I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
