Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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