a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
