This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
