chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
