I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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