I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
