So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
