I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
