I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
