we're chasing vodka with high fives
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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