3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do vagina's smell?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
