at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
