can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
