Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I party with great urgency now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
