I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My dick has a subreddit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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