Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize