Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
