Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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