The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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