dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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