I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
