and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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