i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
