Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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