Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
