it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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