I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
3 2 1 whiskey
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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