You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
