if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I puked a lego.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize