Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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