you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
