I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
