please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
