Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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