is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
