Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
