In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
