the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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