Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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