Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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