I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
