i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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