I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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