just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
