just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
