youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My bed smells like the plague
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
