So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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