Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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