i just google imaged poop.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
