Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
did i just pee glitter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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