5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
