It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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