Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize