what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
