Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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