I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize