I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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