don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
