god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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