I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
