you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
