im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
