Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
