So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
