singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am spending my child support on dildos
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
