You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
