we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
