great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i think my cat just said my name.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Two words: nipple clamps
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