I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
