I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
