did you get engaged???
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
