If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My vagina is officially offended.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
