I accidentally had phone sex last night
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
