Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
