i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
