She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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