I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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