Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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