I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
