well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Randomize
