You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
