Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
