Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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